An invitation to begin again

Every time I open myself more - reveal more truth, more rawness, more me - it’s both exhilarating and terrifying. 

And yet, I have a deep knowing in the rightness of what is wanting to unfold.

Today marks one of those exquisitely beautiful moments, a long-awaited becoming...

A few short years ago, I found myself parked along the Pacific Ocean, staring blankly at the pale gray sky, the dark gray sea, the flat gray sand. The green, magenta, and yellow porchulaca growing between my car and the beach providing the only color. 

Drawn to the ocean, I let my tear-blurred vision find comfort there. The window was halfway down, wind whipping by as Ani Difranco’s “So What” reverberated through me at max volume:

who's gonna give a shit

who's gonna take the call

when you find out that the road ahead

is painted on a wall

and you're turned up to top volume

and you're just sitting there in pause

with your feral little secret

scratching at you with its claws

I used my music playlist as an oracle that morning, clicking the “shuffle” setting and accepting the songs that came as perfectly timed messengers. Ani’s words continued on… 

how many times undone

can one person be

as they’re careening through the facade

of their favorite fantasy

you just close your eyes slowly

like you’re waiting for a kiss

and hope some lowly little power

will pull you out of this.

The song poured through my car’s speakers like a balm for my aching heart, not because it eased my pain, but because it so beautifully met it. Sitting salt-water-face to salt-water-face with momma ocean, listening to Ani DiFranco croon about her feral little secret, I could feel seismic waves start to crack my inner walls. 

I had become unbearably restless and inflamed, figuratively and literally, but I feared looking too deeply underneath because it meant I’d have to muster enough bravery to completely change my exquisitely beautiful life. 

A life where I was so very loved by the people who felt like absolute home to me – my husband and our daughter. 

A life that felt as cozy and secure as a blanket fresh from the warm dryer. A life that I was terrified to lose.

Almost in a prayer for courage, I inhaled the salty ocean air with a ragged breath, attempting to infuse my being with her powerful, feminine energy. Finally, I allowed silent sentences to escape the pit in my stomach, and burn their way up through my heart and throat.

I told my secrets to the ocean because I knew she could hold them until I could set them all free.

I reached down to turn off the music and sat in silence, staring at the sea, bracing for what would happen when I spoke aloud what I knew needed to be said, and did what needed to be done. Tear-soaked, dirty-haired, wild-eyed, and more awake than I’d ever felt, I backed my car out of the parking lot and started down the winding road toward home.

There was no turning away from my truth now.

As I made my way through my own turbulent midlife portal, I became a cartographer, charting the course, forging touchstones, illuminating the universal signposts along this transformational passage so that those who came after me wouldn’t have to journey alone. 

I reframed the midlife transition as a midlife emergence to make meaning of my own transformation during this time of life when I dared to reveal the raw, sometimes inconvenient truth of who I am. Using my own experiences, as well as decades of working as a psychotherapist and coach with women facing similar dire crossroads, I created a personalized roadmap to midwife the modern, awakened woman through her unique, midlife emergence.

And today, I’m writing to share this brand-new offering with you.

After months of seeking, dreaming, and crafting, I am delighted to announce that early-bird enrollment for the founding cohort of Midlife Emergence is NOW OPEN! 

Beginning September 21, Midlife Emergence is a 26 week-long online experience that will guide you through questions to consider as you seek to become the freest version of yourself. I blend accessible teachings on psychological and spiritual approaches throughout this journey, integrating self-discovery prompts and grounding practices to empower you as you navigate midlife and emerge into your own constant becoming. 

Your Midlife Emergence journey includes:

• A foundational guide: A video introduction + guide to help you understand, embrace, and apply the self-inquiry practices and mystical supports included in each module

• 13 self-discovery modules: Starting September 21st and released every two weeks thereafter, a new module opens featuring a video sharing my own stories and experiences around a specific midlife theme, as well as personalized self-inquiry practices and exercises to illuminate your own journey, explore the intricacies of your transformation, and weave together the aftermath of your metamorphosis.

• Inclusive, private, online community: In our private community, we will connect with those who can relate to the quaking within. Here we will co-create a safe, welcoming, inclusive space to honor our transformation, share our stories, and speak our truths.

• 3 live community calls with Jen and your Midlife Emergence cohort: Our exploration unfolds over the three stages -- Illumination, Innovation, and Integration. After each stage, we will meet via a live video conference call to connect around the themes we’ve explored. (All calls will be recorded and shared to allow you to honor your own pace and timing.)

• An optional upgrade with a personal touch: Add two 1:1 Midlife Emergence coaching sessions to your package and infuse your experience with personal support.

Embrace Your Emergence

Be part of the founding class of Midlife Emergence and help shape the journey for seekers who follow in your footsteps. Take advantage of special beta offer pricing and the opportunity to share your feedback to guide future offerings as a member of the premier Midlife Emergence cohort. 

PLUS! Early birds who register before August 31 receive their very own gorgeous, personalized gift bundle delivered right to your mailbox. Packed with loving, supportive intention, your early bird care package includes a few sweet offerings to support you as we open the midlife emergence portal: an essential oil, a stone, a candle, and some special surprises!

Give yourself permission to step into your longing and own your truth - to become a more whole, more integrated, more genuine version of yourself - and live life on your own terms.

Your midlife emergence awaits.

Diving into deep connection

Hello and happy September! I took a break from writing these little love notes over the summer, but with the back-to-school energy flowing through my house, I'm diving into many vocational expressions and musings. Stay tuned here on that front -- I'm working on some exciting projects!

The topic on forefront of my mind these days is deep, authentic connection. Living back in Boulder among deliciously supportive community for the past year has reinforced for me how much of a priority true kinship is in my world... and in this modern world that can be so very isolating and fraught with the toxic myth of independence, rather than our human nature of interdependence. I have an inherent desire to be seen, heard, and absolutely MET in all of my raw humanness, and to meet another in the same way. Because you're human, I'm betting you long for this, too.

The message being whispered in my ear from the universe or maybe from some internal divine source about how to heal the way we connect is: "Less words, more contact." I've been experimenting with the way our culture uses (and does not use) non-verbal methods of deepening into relationship with one another, such as eye contact and safe, intimate touch. We are absolutely starved for this sort of connection, validation, and care. I am committed to being part of the emergent, generative, feminine paradigm that values and reawakens compassionate, fierce, healing intimacy in our culture. I have a lot more to say about this (and to feel and to do about this) -- but for now I'll leave you with these question: How do you know when you are being truly, deeply met? What do you do to reeeeally meet another? This terrain feels so juicy to me, so I'd love to hear about your experiences - drop me a note!

Homecoming

Almost two years ago, I heard a call from within, and even though it was a scary one, I answered. This was a very clear call to shift the way I offer my medicine and gifts to the world. It needed an update, a refresh, and to realign with my authentic Self - a Self who had been changing all along, who was waking up into a new chapter of her life. I paused the part of my work that involves in-person private psychotherapy clients, and followed my gut and heart into a soul searching expedition.

This time has been (& is) a gift — rich with quiet, deep self inquiry and fiery, raucous dances with my inner teenager. I’m catching up to who I’ve been becoming on the inside over this past decade when I was keeping my head down in parenting-a-tiny-human mode & in career mode. This discovery time precipitated my family’s upcoming move to Boulder and juicy personal developments. Since last June, I've been part of an ongoing council and ceremony designed to take a deep-dive into how I can walk as my medicine. It has become so clear to me, through that experience with a tribe of soulful women, how much we need each other's reflection in order to adequately see ourselves.  

I am relearning how to value BEing as much as (or more than) DOing. At a dinner party, wouldn’t we all rather be asked “who are you?“ than “what do you do?“ Sure, I’ve got artsy side gigs here & there, I do some remote supervision and consulting work, and I’m momming nonstop, but without clients walking into and out of my office, “work” has been less visible. A few weeks ago my daughter asked, “Do you even have a job anymore?” Honestly, the question struck a nerve... likely because of my own accidental indoctrination into & expectations about work/worth culture, and also that she may have already absorbed some of that bullshit just by breathing the air. So, I took the opportunity to talk about the importance I place on reevaluating, reinventing, recreating — on BEing. On aligning, centering, and getting into right relationship with the Self. How it’s a socially unsanctioned and radical act in our current culture. How it’s the opposite of glorifying busy-ness. And how slowing down to listen is an extreme privilege I absolutely recognize and for which I feel immense gratitude. While putting “work” on hiatus to explore myself (& as a biproduct, how I can most authentically be of service in my next “professional” incarnation,) I hope I’m inadvertently modeling for my daughter the supreme value of simply walking as one’s medicine in the world.

I feel so much more ME, and it is only from that place that I can know what is mine to offer, and offer these gifts wholeheartedly. I’m trusting that the service/doing part will unfold, once I’m settled in my new Boulder digs, and with divine timing. And for now, I gotta finish packing up my studio and dusting off my wings... almost time to fly!