feminine

Diving into deep connection

Hello and happy September! I took a break from writing these little love notes over the summer, but with the back-to-school energy flowing through my house, I'm diving into many vocational expressions and musings. Stay tuned here on that front -- I'm working on some exciting projects!

The topic on forefront of my mind these days is deep, authentic connection. Living back in Boulder among deliciously supportive community for the past year has reinforced for me how much of a priority true kinship is in my world... and in this modern world that can be so very isolating and fraught with the toxic myth of independence, rather than our human nature of interdependence. I have an inherent desire to be seen, heard, and absolutely MET in all of my raw humanness, and to meet another in the same way. Because you're human, I'm betting you long for this, too.

The message being whispered in my ear from the universe or maybe from some internal divine source about how to heal the way we connect is: "Less words, more contact." I've been experimenting with the way our culture uses (and does not use) non-verbal methods of deepening into relationship with one another, such as eye contact and safe, intimate touch. We are absolutely starved for this sort of connection, validation, and care. I am committed to being part of the emergent, generative, feminine paradigm that values and reawakens compassionate, fierce, healing intimacy in our culture. I have a lot more to say about this (and to feel and to do about this) -- but for now I'll leave you with these question: How do you know when you are being truly, deeply met? What do you do to reeeeally meet another? This terrain feels so juicy to me, so I'd love to hear about your experiences - drop me a note!

Welcome the mystery

I confess… I've SO been hiding out! A couple years ago, I listened inwardly to a deep and undeniable call to pause my private psychotherapy practice because something new was screaming to be birthed. In this time, I began a midlife emergence (You like that? That's my lil euphemism for a midlife crisis, but I'm here to report from the inside thick of it that it's no less of a fiery, intense soul-f*ck as the crisis bit. Ah, semantics.) I moved my family from the Bay Area to Boulder. I nested and waited, almost uncomfortably pregnant with a million possibilities and bursting with new ideas that I've only allowed to peek out partially and leak out quietly via my daily Instagram habit. Then shushing them and shoving them back in the oven (closet? womb?) expecting them to cook longer to become fully packagable, digestible, marketable GRAND OFFERINGS... you know, all wrapped in hand-painted papers, tied with a raw silk bow and a sprig of dried lavender, please. 🙄 OMG, the pressure!

As I've waited for this New Path to reveal itself to me -- I walked in the darkness, envied all those around me with seemingly clear direction and distinctly specific medicine to offer the world. What was mine to do next? I went through it all: I hated the mystery of it. I got angry, sad, complacent, and stubborn with the mystery. Over time, I began to challenge the mystery to just freakin' bringggg itttt and to absolutely werk me. From that stance, I began to welcome the mystery. I actually fell in love with how exciting she felt - how open, how free, how wild. I courted her, and she absolutely seduced me in turn. What we seek is indeed seeking us! (Dude, Rumiis always right.) This mystery and I have been wining, dining, dancing and making spicy and sweet love. One night she whispered into my ear: "The pathless path IS your Path." Boom.💥  

Not only is the pathless path the New Path, it's the Always-Has-Been and Always-Will-Be Path. I've always been one who dabbles in a zillion forms of beautiful, multifaceted magic and shares them to connect with others, and to connect others. I can't not be this medicine in the world, even if I tried. In hindsight, my stressing over how to massage this into a concise elevator speech to recite when asked "aaand what do you do?" feels so trivial. Even if my ego/personality had signed up for a subscription to that patriarchal, linear, left-brained way of being in the world ages ago (to assimilate out of fear,) my Soul never (ever ever ever) did. And I have a hunch that many of yours may not have either. 

So it's time to stop the silly shame game of "I don't have all my shit together yet" and proudly stand for the feminine, the shapeshifting, the non-linear, the mystery, the messy, the deep, the raw, the creative, the authentic, the wild, the soulful, the pleasurable, the esoteric, the vulnerable, the edgy, the witchy, the unseen, the playful. To do this work requires that I make what I'm already up to absolutely and unapologetically visible and transparent. (Something that was harder to do in the past when in a psychotherapist role.) Ahhhhhhh... on the other side, there is such ease and such fun to be had. In the world we're in right now, this feels like a radical act. 

I'm inviting all of you to come with me - to watch curiously or voyeristically or supportively or even cautiously through squinted eyes and slightly parted fingers -- or to celebrate this rise in yourselves by participating where you're drawn. I can't know what's going to happen, but I do know it'll be juicy -- with depth and levity, with the sacred and the profane. Both sides of these paradoxes are absolute necessities to me -- honest and whole, they keep me awake and engaged.